What Did He Give Up for You?
Have you ever asked your husband to give up something he enjoys or was passionate about? How could you have given support to your husband’s passions?
When you were dating, was your husband an athlete? You faithfully attended his games and admired his abilities. Then came a job or career and children to gobble up your time and money. You rarely saw him when you had time off and babysitting to attend his games was frivolous. Maybe you resented his time “playing” while you held down the fort at home.
Did you beg him to give it up or did he let it go to be a loving and involved family man? Have you ever wondered about his regrets?
Was it a hobby or maybe a part time avocation he gave up?
My husband is a gifted musician who was regularly playing for dances and weddings when we met. I faithfully sat through many events as a supportive wife. Some were interesting but after a while, sitting through a 4 hour dance listening to the same music was not my idea of fun.
I met lots of musicians but few wives. Then I started meeting couples at other events and heard how many had given up music when Neil talked about the bands he played in.
Performing together. You may know this song from your childhood. Hope it brightens your day.
I felt such sorrow for them as my first husband had stopped me from singing. Even when we started attending a church with a choir and I immediately joined, he found something else to “volunteer “me for on the choir practise nights. He didn’t even like me singing around the house.
I knew I felt resentment for losing the singing from my life.
When I met Neil, he invited me into his music life. At first, it was as audience but when he realized how much I missed singing, he encouraged me to join him in a duo. One year we both joined a band for the summer and I experienced why he loved being in a band. Although I don’t attend all the events he plays for, I support him and enjoy the times we play together.
How Can You Support Your Husband’s Passions?
You may not be able to or even want to join him in his passion. It is one way to support him and may only require being there some of the time. Maybe you need to be home with the kids or his passion is costing more than you can afford. It is worth finding compromises.
Think about asking him to stay with the kids at times so you can enjoy one of your passions and ask for planned times together. It’s all about communicating and compromising. He may agree to cut back during financially tight times and while children are young. No whining, begging, or “if you loved me”.
Let him know how much easier it is to support his passions if your passions are being supported. Marriage should not be one-sided.
What Do You do if You Did not Support Your Husband’s Passion?
Did you see yourself here? Did you already make this mistake and you know he still resents it?
The first step is to forgive yourself. Then ask God to forgive you. Now admit your error to your husband and ask his forgiveness.
Next step is to communicate and compromise about how you can correct the situation. You might not be able to go back. Especially sports, music or hobbies may be lost forever. It is important to go forward. Maybe he wants to take up anew hobby or part time pursuit but is hesitant after you did not support him in the past.
Remember to discuss his passions and yours. You don’t want to become jealous or resentful of his pursuit. How can you support each other? What can you do together? What can you afford financially? What fits into your time and family needs?
When I was married to a man not supporting my passions, I felt unrespected and even unloved. Neither one of you wants to feel that way.
What unique ways have you found to fit your passions into your marriage? Leave a comment.
Have either you or your husband given up a passion? How did it make you feel toward your partner?
If you have resentments and hurts hanging over your marriage, download my guide on the first 3 Steps to Create a Magnificent Marriage to start building your foundation of forgiveness.